Turning - mid 50s BIrthday soon

Approaching my birthday on October 17 and realizing that mid-50 I am still on a path to defining and redefinign myself. The past year has been rocky one filled with hopes, anxieties, uncertainties, paralleling what many are experiencing with the uncertain economy, changing political scenario and up and down markets. My daughter transitioned to college, only not quite, as we were held in the dark as to her father's financial commitment to her continuing education, and I became more unwilling, and perhaps unable, to support her alone or support her to continue at the first college of her choice, with substantial debt.

Thinking this 'empty nest' time was the time to redirect self, revisit atualizing dreams, write? , I found myself still dealing with ongoing family and work issues that were unresolved. On top of it, the uncertain, or unclear commitment of my daughter to a direction heightened my own. Of course at 18/19 - this uncertainty is not unusual. At 55? Well perhaps not so unusual again as many women are seeming to take new turns in their work, family, and living situations. Some have been forced to.

But back to the intitial reason for the post- I was provoked by this question posed by Kathy Caprino of Ellia Communications in her blog post "Being Real in Times of Turmoil" What do you do each day to “keep the faith” and keep it real in your life and work?

This is a good question to ask oneself, and in doing that one comes back to basics I suppose. We can discover what is most important for ourselves. I find often I must come back to something concrete and simple to take care and renew myself.

This is what I wrote: I look for backup and perspective from friends and wise sources. A movie, a book. Regroup. For me that may involve movement, meditation, and touch - a walk to notice the sky and nature, and sleep. Bottomline a mixture of connection, conversation, and self-nurturance. Being able to help another almost always helps oneself. Remembering that work is only that- not all of oneself, is very important. Open oneself to guidance and cultivate acceptance - no real magic.

Reflecting on- there is some magic in it when it works. There are times, seeking that, that I have failed to feel renewed, where the body/mind was so depleted and the stress so persistent. Yet allowing for guidance and persisting in being open to be healed is very powerful. And opening, asking for help, can allow almost anyone, anything to give. And then at times the giving of one's gifts, whatever they might be may be essential, whether recognized or not.

It is interesting that I am reminded of this after having offered a massage/shiatsu/rehabilitative ssssion to a masssage therapist friend/mother. She needed the attention and skilled sensitive touch I have been blessed with, and feel a need to develop, explore, and offer more of. And in the exchange I too was supported and guided in trusting myself, spurred on to have and experience 'faith' in myself, in the moment and the possibilities of 'more' in the future.

And here I am writing again after quite a lull. TB cont'd....

Love: a Matter of Chemistry?

Well . Just read this header and article in AARP magazine. Now really, is this news? Of course there is chemistry involved, But what is interesting and a bit scary is the question asked within, and idea posed, of developing a drug that would cause attachment and bonding feelings to make people have the impulse and desire to move closer to each other". I think of Puck in Midsummer Night's Dream mistakenly applying the elixir to mismatched couples, forcing the romantic attachment of the fairy queen Tatiana to Bottom - the fool, the donkey.

What dangers do we invite by meddling further with nature? Already anti-perspirants maske our natural smells and pheromones which can aid in attraction. These chemicals also help us unconsicously stay away from genetic pools that are too similar to our own. Masking smell could lead us to romantic or sexual partnering with a person whose gene pool would not be best to mate with. And now we add oxytocin or other chemicals in pill form that may overide nature's long developed wisdom? Yes,to encourage bonding can be good, very good, especially for fathers and mothers to their babies and children and each other.

Yet touch has been proven to be effective in encouraging that. Check out the research that has been done, and Ashley Montague's book on Touching. We certainly can use more consensual, skilled, loving touch in this world.

We need to teach people to be mindful of the choices they make for romantic and sexual partner. Teach folks to tune into and respect their senses, but also to use their intuition and mind to interpret the appropriateness, and safety, of pairing up. We don't need to overide the power of body/mind, by use of synthetic aids.
We also do indeed need to look at what 'love' is and encourage the development of love in a broader sense than just attraction.

Boy- what a mickey it would be if some 'bad boy' slipped one into an unwitting woman's drink and then what more devastation would ensue than already does by having the heartless one leave. And in fact, what if the scene was twisted the other way and some woman tried to ensnare her potential lover into attachment? Would she indeed need to keep him bewitched with drugs, the modern embodiment of a wicked witch? Buyer beware.

Tango moment captured

Well, finally it happened. Adora captured a fun neuvo-tango moment of mine. Follow this link to Facebook.

We were at a tango-pulse milonga in the Lenox area. Adora and Carey, are the young gals singing, love this. Somehow Adora captured some dancing too. Ogion (29) and I always seem to connect to the livelier atypical nuevo-tango tunes. A bit bouncy and loose, but fun. I obviously had caught a heel in my stocking which resulted in a small tear, but who cares. I love this dress. Jackie and Victor dancing quite a bit smoother and elegant. She is more steady in heels. Not bad for 55 year old ladies, eh?

a fine time